Decision making...

Yes…I was having a huge issue with ...decision making!
Does not mean that I am out of it completely but yes , comparatively I am making progress! Now at least I am not having those confusing bad trips which I used to have while making any kind of decisions!

When I say any kind of decision.. it includes from a small thing like deciding which road to take to go home to what I would like to do with life.
If I had an option of taking someone’s help in deciding the next move.. I have always chosen that!
Over all... It was not a good trip!

Every time I have these kind of bad trips .. I used to do a round of introspection looking for the root cause of my behavior. Which usually was giving me answers too, but its a different story that the answer was not helping me to change my behavior!

I was doing one such introspection today while I was taking a walk to no where...
and I figured out a weird reason ! :) Here it is...

We always loved our childhood and the life we had as kids because, we were only making decisions for that moment's pleasure! Like, which chocolate I want to make me happy for that moment, from the 101 chocolates at sight in any given shop!
Once decided, half job is done and it was my Dad's headache to get me that!
[Actually I think I had problem even then because I always wanted to have all the chocolates in the shop! ]

I was spending most of my time in the school!
I didn't choose that school either, my parents did!

I knew exactly what am I am supposed to do after going home!
Go out and play with other kids and be back home when I was hungry!
Then,
Homework .. ahhh I hated it! But to avoid tomorrow's bad trip in front of the cute girls in my class, I did that too!

I also knew what am I going to do the next year!
If I could get the marks required, then get promoted to next standard else study one more year in the same class!

This story continued for a long long time and I got in to a job!
Started earning my own bread and butter! Mmmm.. sounds delicious.. and at least now I can go and buy all those chocolates in that shop but.. Na... Not interested… any more !

There were many episodes missed, before I could get a job, where I was supposed to make a decision of my own but ... there were always people around to do it for me ( In the name of help / suggestion! Ahh.. I wish I knew then what I know now!! Anyway.. Past tense!)

I think this is the stage ( after getting the job ), when I started facing lot of issues with making decisions! Because, the now most of the decision we make will usually have the potential to alter our life forever. Decision what we make has lot of weight age for ourselves now! And there are not many people who are even ready to suggest because if something goes wrong with that decision... they know easily we will hold them responsible for screwing things up! Hmmm... pretty intelligent people, playing safe!
So... Its completely up to us, to decide what we want to and what we don’t want to do!

I was having the difficulty.. cos I was not much in to the decision making business before! I think , the lack of experience was causing the issue!

I know, I know! You might ask, what happened to all the experience you have gained with your life all these days and all that... and its true that I am more experienced now and I can make decisions ... but this is just one random thought which had popped up in my mind at which I was laughing in the beginning but not anymore!

The Inertia...

Inertia -
Inertia is the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest.It is proportional to an object's mass.
The principle of inertia is one of the fundamental principles of classical physics which are used to describe the motion of matter and how it is affected by applied forces.

It seems even human psychology is also based on the physics rules!
How? Ok.. what according to you is life ?
Right now I dont know what it really means to you, as everyone has their own philosophical definition of life.
For me, It is just a mind game!
What mind game ?
Ok... I meant, the life is nothing but the kind of thoughts they usually process in their mind consciously and subconsciously ! All kind of thoughts have their own cause and effects. And we live in between these two points... Cause Effect !
Usually the strong circumstances in life defines how one is going to think from there after. specially when these "strong" circumstances happens in one's childhood part of life, then it will have strongest Effect on the way of their thinking and how they will respond to the future situations in life! In turn how they are going to live their lives!

Now where is the physics in this?

Every individual reaches the physical and mental comfort zone at one or the other part of life and once the state is attained ,they build a subconscious resistance to any possibility of change in the comfort zone.
If it is the social inertia then , It is proportional to the number of people in the same comfort zone.

I even say, every "Normal" human being is scared of any person or the group which can alter his/ her comfort zone with the minimal force applied.
This fear is the cause and the respect they demand is the effect !

If we start looking at things like this then .. we can define our life with the rules of Physics and Chemistry!

The Reason...

The circumstances in life usually takes me higher and out of that trip, I usually derive my own philosophy of life and for life.

It has happened N number of times that I derive some philosophy by myself and understand the life in my own way , and then, forgot about it! and later I bump in to the exact philosophy or similar philosophy over internet where some famous philosopher had explained more about my own derived philosophy! They would have thought about it long ago and may be thats why people say... read books!
It would have saved lot of my time on thinking and I would have picked that philosophy straight from his work!

Sometimes, its not the philosophers but the "Normal" people around! I speak to few in my list who can really "Understand" what I am talking about and figured out that at some part of their life, they would have felt the same thing about life!

And more frequently , its the debate which with strangers which makes me feel that all "Normal" human beings think alike and may be the circumstances of life which made them feel like that is different!

I thought , let me put my thoughts in to words and share it with more people and see what happens! Am I really an alien living in an alien world or its the world full of aliens living the disguised human life!

The Beginning ...

To begin something has always been so difficult for me through out my life!

There is a list of, the list of the things that I always wanted to start doing and Blogging was just one of them. I dont know what holds me back all the time.. but there is something which surely does and that something I feel, is me, most of the times!

Well...I dont want to accept that its me who holds me back all the time from what I want to do! Ego problem you know !

But deep down inside.. I know its just me... !

Have you ever felt that there are two people inside you... One who asks the questions and one who answers those questions.. and the one who asks the questions will also give you the answer as soon as the other part of you gives the answer.. and that answer usually is contradictory or a work around to the answer given by the other part of you!

Externally you will be having just another normal day behaving as normally as you have been doing since you remember .. But ... inside.. you will be feeling the pressure of the debate becoming a fight within yourself...

all most all the times .... the source of fight will be different but the basic reason will be same...

You know you want to do something... but for that you got to break your comfort zone! There are 100 reasons why you should do it and usually 101 reason for why you cant do it or why you think you cant do it.

In my case, most of the times, even before the fight could reach any conclusion ... my subconscious thoughts which usually run in the back of my mind with out my notice ..will just kill the fight!

I found there are two reason behind why does this happen.

1> I have difficulty in sticking to one particular thought for a long.

2> I know if I let the fight go on , there will be a result, and I feel like accepting the result or the so called solution to my question, If I accept then I should execute and to execute I got to break my comfort zone.. and I always fuckin hate breaking the comfort zone!

Any "Normal" human being, for that matter, would not want to get outta comfort zone and its only the "Abnormal" human beings who can do something stupid like that.

Let me forget at this moment that the "Abnormal" human beings will usually make more name , fame , money , progress in life because of those stupid things they do... cos that would make me push myself to break my comfort zone ! Not again!

Ahh.. I just keyed down all these words without filtering and I fucking heard my own thoughts and I am already feeling the uneasiness because I know I am doing a fucking mistake of not letting the fight to happen or to think that my life; what I mean when i say life is just the kind of thoughts, and the number of thoughts which are running in the back and front of my mind making my mind to release some kind of chemical which makes me feel good, bad, sometime the unknown and sometimes the feel of "Nothing" and the time I try to get my thoughts under my control which has resulted in some success stories and the failures and the time I try to hang on to the same feel when I was the winner and the time I try to get out of the feel when I loose against myself while I try to cope with the changes happening externally, behaving sane trying to meet others expectations; has been so stupidly busy!

Is this some kind of mental illness, where you know both the questions and the answers, and you still keep throwing those questions at yourself and yourself giving the best convincing answer that you could ever get on this planet and still wont be accepting your own answer and behave as if nothing has happened just to convince yourself that you are SANE!!!!!!

Na... I think it is not !

If it is, then we might have to convince ourselves that the world is an open mental hospital !

And if that is true .. then every human being is having a same starting problem which I have!